| (no subject) |
[Jan. 22nd, 2008|04:36 pm] |
there is so much more to heath ledger than his good looks.
too bad you stupid bitches fail to see that and feel sorrow just because heath ledger dying is just a loss of some attractive man.
seriously, life constantly reminds me of how much i hate people of the same sex as me. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 31st, 2007|07:38 pm] |
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i can never seem to figure out why i do everything around this house so fucking wrong all the time. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 6th, 2007|07:34 pm] |
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you make me sick to my stomach. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 28th, 2007|03:34 pm] |
i haven't posted in an extremely long time.
and all i have to say is...
as much as i hate you, i miss you so much. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 12th, 2007|10:31 pm] |
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I SERIOUSLY JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 17th, 2007|11:32 am] |
i'm really extremely nervous.
my sissy is getting married TODAY.
but you know, i shouldn't be nervous.
i should take a hold of one of the guy, and walk down the aisle, PROUD to be my sister's sister...
i'm proud of myself.
i really am learning to take chances and LIVE my life. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 12th, 2007|06:11 pm] |
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nick gives the most amazing hugs, EVER. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 6th, 2007|01:37 pm] |
for really, courtney is gone ALL WEEK.
then daniel's gone all next week.
why are my best friends leaving me?!
i'm not doing anything today.
tuesday, northridge mall.
wednesday, paint pals.
thursday, haircut.
friday, riley's maybe. i'm thinking it's not a good idea.
I NEED TO GET OVER NICK.
SO BADLY.
i sware, i'll feel so much better about myself if i do. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 4th, 2007|10:01 pm] |
you know, everything with nick, is really upsetting.
i'm letting it get to me.
wayyy too much. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 4th, 2007|02:17 am] |
today was such an emotional day.
things with nick...
and MY FAMILY.
oh my god.
it's 2:18 A.M. and we have been screaming at each other since midnight.
my brother, ending up packing his things, and leaving.
i've been crying nonstop, and screaming with my drunk mother.
my brother came home.
and now, i know he's safe, and i can hear the tapping of the keys on the keyboard, and the clicks from the playstation controller.
i love my brother, and would be nothing without him.
i've tested that tonight. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 3rd, 2007|10:14 pm] |
i am never ever lowering my standards, and self respect for ANY boy, EVER again.
nick is a fucking asshole.
i was stupid to EVER ignore riley and courtney, and think he was good for me. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 3rd, 2007|04:19 pm] |
i love best friends who force me out of the house when i'm in a bad mood.
mmmm, i have the best friends, EVER. |
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| oh, and we carried it all so well. |
[Aug. 3rd, 2007|12:28 pm] |
life is good, it really is.
but i feel like i'm hiding my real emotions lately, because i'm maybe, ashamed of them.
i've had a lot of self determination lately, and i'm trying not to let certain things get to me.
you know, it's funny how losing something, makes you realize so much.
at least, that's how it is for me.
i hate that i sometimes don't take time to notice things...
i try to be understanding of everyone, and never give up.
i've realized that i don't take the time to notice the problems, i have in MY life.
maybe i love helping people, and making them feel good about themselves, because it maks me feel good about ME, too.
it also distracts me from the 950438 problems in my life, that i hate having to deal with.
=/
anyway, i'm hanging out with nick on monday.
i'm excited, but scared.
real scared.
real nervous.
riley's acting weird, because of it.
i know she dislikes the idea, and that it makes her feel uncomfortable...
but i really just want to TRY, and see how things go with him.
i don't want to hurt myself in the long run, by overthinking all the "what if's" that could have happened if i don't go.
so i'm stepping up to the plate, and taking my chance.
"forget regret, or life is yours to miss," right?
if i don't go, i know i'll regret it like i did last time.
i've made things better with me and him, and learned, he isn't so bad.
sooo... go me!
=) |
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| Even fairytale characters would be jealous. |
[Aug. 2nd, 2007|12:49 pm] |
Everything always seems to go bad at once.
Especially in the summer...
Life slowly seems to be figuring itself out.
I'm trying not to be so stressed, and overthink everything.
I believe I'm doing a good job so far...
I'm happy. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 1st, 2007|01:06 pm] |
everything seems to be so wrong lately.
ashlyn's big dog, ate her little dog this morning around 11.
her mom texted me VERY upset.
ashlyn, was crying.
i HATE knowing when she is crying.
it hurts me so much.
it really does.
it takes a lot for her to break down, and she did.
my papa was rushed to the emergency room last week.
he ended up staying a few days.
his kidney's almost failed
my gramma called 911 again yesterday, because my papa started shaking and she didn't know what to do.
his kidney's are not in good shape.
i'm really worried, and it really scares me to know he isn't doing well.
he's looking so sick, and so old.
it's very hard on me.
someone is doing really bad things on sunday.
i knew they have done them before, but it got to me a lot more than i thought it would.
i'm worried about them, too.
my mom and dad expect so much from me all the time.
i hate having to do everything around here.
especially when no one else does anything.
i don't know what to do about you.
i'm not going to forget about what you said.
YOU meant everything you said...
and everything i said, you took the wrong way.
we are a lot alike, but neither of us are going to agree on what happened.
this happens way too often, and we came up with a way to fix it.
it worked for awhile.
i told you you should call me.
but you didn't...
so don't say i didn't try to make things better.
i know you wouldn't, but then again... apparently you don't think i know you.
i don't want to lose you.
but if that's what will make all this stop happening, then we'll do what we have to do.
too bad we can't talk without taking things the wrong way.
internet tends to do that...
and you know that.
i tried calling you when i was away last weekend...
if i was being as STRANGE as you say i was, i wouldn't bother to call you and see how you were doing.
i hate when people always point out the bad in me.
maybe that's why i might like nick...
because he knows the bad is THERE, because perfection is impossible...
but he notices things about me, only i seem to think about myself.
i know i can't have a real happy relationship with him...
but i do want to be his friend.
and i'm going to do just that. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 27th, 2007|09:34 am] |
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aunt suzie's house with janae! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 26th, 2007|02:19 pm] |
i really, do not know what i would do without my best friends.
they all play such a different role in my life, but i love them all equally.
last night, was simply, amazing.
riley and i went to the mall for an hour or so, just looking around.
then courtney texted me, and wanted to comeover to i guess, get away.
not that anything bad was happening, she just wanted to go somewhere.
it sorta gave me such a warm feeling, knowing someone sorta "runs to you."
maybe that doesn't make sense, i'm not sure...
so riley and i got picked up, and courtney cameover too.
we ate pizza and then sat in the spa.
we were in there for such a long time, talking about everything.
i think we all sorta learned even more about each other, and bonded even more.
i've always sorta been, quiet, when it comes to TALKING about my feelings.
i can talk about them online, but in person, i just freeze up.
but we all had a really serious conversation last night, and it felt so good to let everything out.
mmm, i love them so much.
so so so much.
anywayyy. janae and i are going to my aunt suzie's this weekend.
i'm really going to miss my brother, and my bestest friendizzlests.
ha.
lazy day today.
only 6 hours of sleep.
crazy riley would not shut up last night.
too much excitement for her new myspace, i guess.
haha.
i sorta feel like i like nick, but not in a liking way.
i don't know how else to explain it.
i guess it's just a strange attraction.
he's dirty, and gross.
and not even very attractive.
OR friendly.
blah.
i need a new mannn.
hmm, one day.
you just wait. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 25th, 2007|11:44 am] |
i don't feel like myself. i wish i knew what was wrong with me. i can't pinpoint exactly HOW i feel, or what is wrong. maybe i just need school to get back into an organized schedule.
anyway, i got my glasses and boy let me tell you, they work wonders.
=)
riley's sleeping over tonight before i go to my aunt's house.
if janae and i are still going.
i told janae that we don't have to go, if she really doesn't want to leave tiffany behind.
hm. i keep waiting for something extravagant to happen.
but it's the same old stuff every singleeee day.
i'm not sure what i'm exactly expecting either. |
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